Ok folks. So it's definitely been awhile since my last post, and I'm sorry for that. So much has happened and changed in my life that I wouldn't even know where to begin. Rather than recap everything, I'm just going to go into where I'm at now. It's been a strange kind of week and I felt like I needed to share this Facebook message I sent a dear friend of mine. It kinda gives y'all an idea as to where I'm at with life, and it's incredibly personal and intimate. I haven't changed the message except to remove names, that's all. That being said, WARNING, there is some strong language ahead (that's a heads-up to you, Mom)!
November 15-
Hey friend! Ok, so it's 11:30 pm right now, I have work at 7:00 am...but I have a lot on my mind and just need to write it out and I know that here is a safe place! Ok,here goes!
So, I have been seeing this guy for the past two months now. Fantastic guy, attractive, smart, funny, nerdy, wonderful...not Christian. Like how I put that at the end there? Yeah, so, things were good and chill. After about a month I had the "I'm a Christian" conversation, which I'd previously been fairly clear about but just wanted to affirm that he did indeed understand. He was totally understanding, telling me that though he himself was not currently "religious", he'd had a Christian upbringing and in no way wanted to take me away from my faith, seeing how important it is to me. I appreciated that and all was well...
Last night, after a rather lovely however brief make out moment, I had the "I'm saving myself till marriage" chat. Though he had kinda suspected that I was a virgin (I'm incredibly awkward around guys...), he didn't know when that conversation was going to come up. Granted, he also thought I would simple say I was a virgin...not that I had no intention of sleeping with him till he put a ring on it.
Now, before I continue, I want you to know that he is such an amazing guy, truly! He's so incredibly sweet, respectful, and understanding! He's also a dude, a dude who has never been in a no-sex relationship. As we talked about the bomb I just dropped on the night, me shaking like a leaf as I tried to remain calm and collected, I made it clear to him that I didn't want to screw him over by, well, not screwing him. I know that sex is a key part of any romantic relationship. I told him to think about it, as I'd be more than content to continue down the path we were headed...which would ultimately lead nowhere but would be fun in the moment. I told him that if he decided that he wasn't up for that, if that would make him feel too uncomfortable, than I'd respect his feelings and totally understand.
We talked today, and we've decided to be "just friends".
Is it ideal? Meh. Is it for the best? yeah, probably.
Here's why I can't sleep though: I like this guy. I like him a LOT! And what pisses me off is that this one thing, this no-sex thing, is ultimately what caused this relational demise. He is not some freaky horn-dog, so it sucks even more, because I, a nearly 22-year-old virgin, can't understand why people need sex for a relationship to work. Yes, I would absolutely love to have sex with him...but not while we're in a place of semi-commitment to one another. I'm an all-in kinda gal; I be needing that ring before anyone gets all up in this!
What also pisses me off is that, after telling a couple friends and my folks who know or know of him, they've all said, "Well, if he'd REALLY cared for you, it wouldn't have mattered to him whether or not you have sex.". false, I call BullShit! If anything, I think him calling it quits means he cares enough (cared enough?) to not put me in an awkward position of wanting to be everything for him and wanting to keep that promise to myself. I think it took balls for him to actually decide that and follow that up by saying that he actually genuinely wants to still be friends. Because we like each other, not just romantically (probably no longer romantically..), but as people too. I wouldn't want to never speak to him again because I enjoy being with him...that's kinda why we started seeing each other in the first place!
More than anything else though, I'm furious at/proud of myself for sticking to my values. Yeah, hurray for my hymen...you'll live to see another day, whoop-dee-fuckin-doo. Seriously though, I know that as much as I would have loved to sleep with him, I would regret it one day. It does kill me a little that I'm so damn committed to my future husband (God-willing...puhleeeeese!) right now that I can't just let go and do what all dem other kids be doin'. Though, it's not just for Mr. Future Husband, it's for me too. It's for God, as frustrating as that feels sometimes.
I know I did right by telling him, difficult as the conversation may have been. He knows I did right, and made sure to tell me that he had a lot of respect for me for sticking to my values. And God knows I did right. Why does Right have to suck so much sometimes?
Wednesday 19 November 2014
Friday 21 February 2014
It might as well be Wingdings...
I was up rather early this morning (ok, 7:30) getting ready to meet a few of my co-workers at work to watch the Canada vs. US hockey game. First and foremost, Canada won! Huzzah! So, we're all sitting around and a trailer plays for a new film coming out this year called "Noah". Obviously, it's about Noah, like biblical Noah and his ark. As the trailer is playing, the only going through my head is, "Dang, they have some terrific actors lined up for this; I hope they do the story justice". I could hear my co-workers murmuring something about not knowing the story and trying to figure out what it's about. Naturally, I chirp up and say, "It's the Bible story of Noah and the ark", suddenly proud to have some Bible knowledge, however basic that answer was. My manager looks at me and says, "Well, then, I won't be watching that." Kind of taken aback, I ask why not, thinking it was more of a stick-it-to-the-Man motive. She looks at me and said in total seriousness, "I don't understand all of it, all that Jesus Christ nonsense". It hit me like a ton of bricks, and while everyone continued their rowdiness as the game came back on, the only thing I could think of was that people don't understand the Bible.
I know that such an obvious thing that I should understand, having attended public school my entire life and being friends with a surprising number of...hooligans, for lack of a better word. But after the past few years being so fully immersed in a Bible-culture, it was suddenly such a strange thought to realize that most people don't "get" the Bible.
Afterall, we're not just talking about cool stories that you read and move on afterwards; we're talking historical accounts about real people in real situations talking to...a real God? What? I mean, from an outside perspective, I'm totally fine with the idea that the Bible is based on facts, accurate historical tellings. However, when you insert God, and all that that implies, it kind of changes things, doesn't it? It's no longer simply a "story" or "history", it's "religious" and that throws people for a loop.
I began thinking that it's kind of as if some people read the Bible as if it's written in the font Wingdings; you know that those little symbols mean something, but you haven't the foggiest clue as to what! I used to try to write secret messages to people using Wingdings, but would just end up confusing myself as I tried to "re-read" what I wrote, which is nearly impossible...unless you're fluent in Wingdings!
Anyways, so after thinking about this, I started wondering, "How do we un-wingding-ify the Bible so it makes sense without getting all religious?". How do you take something as beautiful and sacred as the Bible and simplify it quickly enough that even those with a miniscule attention span can hear what you're saying and actually take it in? What's more, should I have used that opportunity to try to explain things to my co-workers and manager? Sure, the hockey game was on and things were getting pretty intense, but shouldn't the Bible be something that we can talk about easily, rather than dredging on and on about? I don't know and I'm really just blabbering now, but it certainly got me thinking! Anyone have any suggestions?
I know that such an obvious thing that I should understand, having attended public school my entire life and being friends with a surprising number of...hooligans, for lack of a better word. But after the past few years being so fully immersed in a Bible-culture, it was suddenly such a strange thought to realize that most people don't "get" the Bible.
Afterall, we're not just talking about cool stories that you read and move on afterwards; we're talking historical accounts about real people in real situations talking to...a real God? What? I mean, from an outside perspective, I'm totally fine with the idea that the Bible is based on facts, accurate historical tellings. However, when you insert God, and all that that implies, it kind of changes things, doesn't it? It's no longer simply a "story" or "history", it's "religious" and that throws people for a loop.
I began thinking that it's kind of as if some people read the Bible as if it's written in the font Wingdings; you know that those little symbols mean something, but you haven't the foggiest clue as to what! I used to try to write secret messages to people using Wingdings, but would just end up confusing myself as I tried to "re-read" what I wrote, which is nearly impossible...unless you're fluent in Wingdings!
Anyways, so after thinking about this, I started wondering, "How do we un-wingding-ify the Bible so it makes sense without getting all religious?". How do you take something as beautiful and sacred as the Bible and simplify it quickly enough that even those with a miniscule attention span can hear what you're saying and actually take it in? What's more, should I have used that opportunity to try to explain things to my co-workers and manager? Sure, the hockey game was on and things were getting pretty intense, but shouldn't the Bible be something that we can talk about easily, rather than dredging on and on about? I don't know and I'm really just blabbering now, but it certainly got me thinking! Anyone have any suggestions?
Sunday 22 September 2013
Romantic Ramblings
It has recently come to my attention that as much as I talk about being content and rather happy with being a single woman, I do talk an awful lot about relationships. Not only do I talk a lot about them, but I'm starting to think perhaps I secretly want one. Not that I think one can simply obtain a relationship like some item on a grocery list or acquire one when the craving arises; we're not discussing chocolate here. Perhaps a better suited phrase would be I am secretly eagerly awaiting the hopefully inevitable pursuit of being wooed. Winded, but probably more accurate.
It is often confusing though. I view myself as being a strong, secure and independent human being, someone able to withhold petty human emotions like romantic love. Obviously, the sense of security I have within myself is skewed, and in a big way. I don't believe people are meant to withhold affection for the sake of independence, whether it be of a platonic or romantic nature. If that were the case, we really wouldn't need other people in our lives, would we? And being a person who literally lies on my floor if I'm apart from people and civilization for more than two days, people are clearly important to me and possibly my mental well-being too.
However, I am also one who enjoys bucking the trend. Example: in grade three, I vowed to always detest horses, dolphins, and the flute due to the popularity of those things within the female portion of my classmates. To this day, I am still wary of horses, claim that dolphins are evil, and think the flute is ridiculous (no offense to anyone who plays the flute or has a soft spot for either animal). And a seemingly reoccurring trend among my friends, classmates and peers are relationships, and poor ones at that. True, the older I get, the more friends I have who have been lucky enough to meet amazing significant others who better them, encourage them, and truly love them and I am constantly grateful to know wonderful couples like that. I suppose somewhere, deep within my proud and rebellious heart, I believe that if I can buck the trend as long as possible, than I've officially made it to Saint-like Maturity. As I continue to write this post, I'm realizing more and more how ridiculous this whole thing is, which is probably a good thing to realize now rather than 25 years down the road when I'm a bitter and cynical single still.
It's funny to think that my mother was married at my age, technically even a few months younger than I am now. Funny, and a definite check on where I am in life. I mean, my mother and father clearly had the maturity, the wisdom and the deep love that only a married couple can have by this age, something that I still feel so far away from. So, perhaps in my pursuit for utter independence, I've actually been pushing away the idea and reality of true commitment, which is ultimately the biggest sacrifice one can make and perhaps the truest mark of Saint-like Maturity, as commitment, whether to God or a person, takes an incredible amount of faith and trust. Perhaps in a roundabout way, I've been regarding relationships in a far more childish way than I care to admit...though I suppose this post just admitted it for me.
Before I end this long and convoluted post, let me reassure Readers that I have no intentions of trying to make up for wrong thinking by latching on to the nearest Available around me; that would be stupid, plain and simple. Don't expect to see any changed Facebook statuses in the near future either. However, now that I've shared my thoughts and am perhaps a bit more open to the overall idea of romantic relationships, maybe the next time my folks mention "grandchildren" I won't scoff quite as loudly! Lots of love (the platonic kind, I mean) to you all!
It is often confusing though. I view myself as being a strong, secure and independent human being, someone able to withhold petty human emotions like romantic love. Obviously, the sense of security I have within myself is skewed, and in a big way. I don't believe people are meant to withhold affection for the sake of independence, whether it be of a platonic or romantic nature. If that were the case, we really wouldn't need other people in our lives, would we? And being a person who literally lies on my floor if I'm apart from people and civilization for more than two days, people are clearly important to me and possibly my mental well-being too.
However, I am also one who enjoys bucking the trend. Example: in grade three, I vowed to always detest horses, dolphins, and the flute due to the popularity of those things within the female portion of my classmates. To this day, I am still wary of horses, claim that dolphins are evil, and think the flute is ridiculous (no offense to anyone who plays the flute or has a soft spot for either animal). And a seemingly reoccurring trend among my friends, classmates and peers are relationships, and poor ones at that. True, the older I get, the more friends I have who have been lucky enough to meet amazing significant others who better them, encourage them, and truly love them and I am constantly grateful to know wonderful couples like that. I suppose somewhere, deep within my proud and rebellious heart, I believe that if I can buck the trend as long as possible, than I've officially made it to Saint-like Maturity. As I continue to write this post, I'm realizing more and more how ridiculous this whole thing is, which is probably a good thing to realize now rather than 25 years down the road when I'm a bitter and cynical single still.
It's funny to think that my mother was married at my age, technically even a few months younger than I am now. Funny, and a definite check on where I am in life. I mean, my mother and father clearly had the maturity, the wisdom and the deep love that only a married couple can have by this age, something that I still feel so far away from. So, perhaps in my pursuit for utter independence, I've actually been pushing away the idea and reality of true commitment, which is ultimately the biggest sacrifice one can make and perhaps the truest mark of Saint-like Maturity, as commitment, whether to God or a person, takes an incredible amount of faith and trust. Perhaps in a roundabout way, I've been regarding relationships in a far more childish way than I care to admit...though I suppose this post just admitted it for me.
Before I end this long and convoluted post, let me reassure Readers that I have no intentions of trying to make up for wrong thinking by latching on to the nearest Available around me; that would be stupid, plain and simple. Don't expect to see any changed Facebook statuses in the near future either. However, now that I've shared my thoughts and am perhaps a bit more open to the overall idea of romantic relationships, maybe the next time my folks mention "grandchildren" I won't scoff quite as loudly! Lots of love (the platonic kind, I mean) to you all!
Saturday 7 September 2013
Tis the Season of Over-sized Sweaters and Pumpkin Spice Lattes
It's official: Fall is upon us. Though technically we have another two weeks till the calender declares it Autumn, but we all know that Fall begins as soon as the first Pumpkin Spice Latte is consumed (with long-awaited gusto, I might add). So here I sit, drinking my third Pumpkin Spice of the Season, attempting to study for my first test this semester whilst being serenaded by Diana Krall. And while I sit here, I find myself thinking about my future. Though I seem to worry and fret about my future on a daily basis, I now find myself languishing the thought of being twenty-eight (I never said it was a "distant future"), sipping the first PS Latte of the season, smiling and loving life, perhaps with an equally life-loving man next to me!
The fact is I really have no notion about what the future looks like, and I'm certain any thoughts I may have are WAY off base! So occasionally, I enjoy day-dreaming about life and the possible good that could ensue. I'm certain I'm not alone in this either. Admit it, at some point I'm sure everyone reading this has sat back and wondered, "Hmmm...what if...?"
This is my What If moment. And I am enjoying it immensely! Soy Pumpkin Spice Latte and all!
There really is no rhyme or reason behind this post, as is the case with most of what I write. Meh...my grade nine English teacher would be appalled (Remember...TRANSITION!), but I enjoy simply typing sometimes. Meaningless as these scribbles (or rather, pixels) may be, there something to think on, something to savor, something to smile at.
Speaking of smiling, here's a few old photos of my dog, Rolo! Enjoy and Goodnight!
The fact is I really have no notion about what the future looks like, and I'm certain any thoughts I may have are WAY off base! So occasionally, I enjoy day-dreaming about life and the possible good that could ensue. I'm certain I'm not alone in this either. Admit it, at some point I'm sure everyone reading this has sat back and wondered, "Hmmm...what if...?"
This is my What If moment. And I am enjoying it immensely! Soy Pumpkin Spice Latte and all!
There really is no rhyme or reason behind this post, as is the case with most of what I write. Meh...my grade nine English teacher would be appalled (Remember...TRANSITION!), but I enjoy simply typing sometimes. Meaningless as these scribbles (or rather, pixels) may be, there something to think on, something to savor, something to smile at.
Speaking of smiling, here's a few old photos of my dog, Rolo! Enjoy and Goodnight!
Tuesday 3 September 2013
Trapped in the Kitchen...and paying tuition to be there!
Before I begin, apology for my lack of recent updates. Not that, I suspect, my infrequent posts give reason for anyone to be dismayed (save perhaps my Mother), but I apologize all the same!
It's true...or rather, it's TRU! I am a student once more! Not to be dramatic, but I never thought I'd live long enough to see the day I willingly returned to school. But, alas, the time has come! I am currently enrolled in Professional Cook Training Year 1, which sounds far more glamorous that it is. Though there is some theory, most of the course is practical, hands-on work experience, which I am so looking forward to. As first year students, we will be cooking for the University's cafeteria, open for both breakfast and lunch. Early mornings and off early enough in the afternoons to have plenty of time to work outside of school. I will pretty much have no life outside of a kitchen for the following months. My future husband will be very pleased indeed...
I confess that I was less than thrilled upon arrival today. Though some of you reading this know me as a funny, occasionally obnoxious, lovely lass, I have to say this: I DETEST CROWDS! Especially crowds where I am new and have no immediate connection to anyone or anything. It honestly makes me want to run for the hills. I literally had to force myself to even introduce myself to people today. I can't blame it all on being exhausted (barely a lick of sleep last night) or personality traits. I can say I was beyond nervous for the first hour or so, for no apparent reason either. It's not like the students and faculty are out to kill me (as far as I know...).
If anything, the thing that reaffirmed that I'm not in fact insane for enrolling was this: I'm really not here for me. Listening to the instructor talk about how food creates an experience for people, that you can go anywhere with these skills, that in the kitchen it's all about a "Family"...I remembered that I'm here for people. I'm here to meet people in my course who have incredible passion and to be inspired by them and be inspiring for them. I'm here to learn from my instructors, all of whom I'm sure have fantastic stories and who will instill in me a passion for creating something beautiful (and delicious). And I'm also here because I want to bless people in years to come; Not only by the food I make for others, but by teaching others skills they can use to bless their friends and families, skills to help people get back on their feet and move forward in life. I want to use my passion for people to fuel my passion food, not the other way around.
So, I look forward to learning how to filet a fish, make choux pastry properly and put together a divine product. I look forward to it because, for me, it's not about the food itself, but rather about the people who enjoy it and are with me to see it through.
Hope this sentimental and rather sappy blog post makes you smile! And think, as you read this today, tomorrow, or months down the road...what skills and passions do YOU have that you use to bless others? And are you, indeed, blessing others with them? So go out there and make someone's day today! Lot's of Love to one and all!
It's true...or rather, it's TRU! I am a student once more! Not to be dramatic, but I never thought I'd live long enough to see the day I willingly returned to school. But, alas, the time has come! I am currently enrolled in Professional Cook Training Year 1, which sounds far more glamorous that it is. Though there is some theory, most of the course is practical, hands-on work experience, which I am so looking forward to. As first year students, we will be cooking for the University's cafeteria, open for both breakfast and lunch. Early mornings and off early enough in the afternoons to have plenty of time to work outside of school. I will pretty much have no life outside of a kitchen for the following months. My future husband will be very pleased indeed...
I confess that I was less than thrilled upon arrival today. Though some of you reading this know me as a funny, occasionally obnoxious, lovely lass, I have to say this: I DETEST CROWDS! Especially crowds where I am new and have no immediate connection to anyone or anything. It honestly makes me want to run for the hills. I literally had to force myself to even introduce myself to people today. I can't blame it all on being exhausted (barely a lick of sleep last night) or personality traits. I can say I was beyond nervous for the first hour or so, for no apparent reason either. It's not like the students and faculty are out to kill me (as far as I know...).
If anything, the thing that reaffirmed that I'm not in fact insane for enrolling was this: I'm really not here for me. Listening to the instructor talk about how food creates an experience for people, that you can go anywhere with these skills, that in the kitchen it's all about a "Family"...I remembered that I'm here for people. I'm here to meet people in my course who have incredible passion and to be inspired by them and be inspiring for them. I'm here to learn from my instructors, all of whom I'm sure have fantastic stories and who will instill in me a passion for creating something beautiful (and delicious). And I'm also here because I want to bless people in years to come; Not only by the food I make for others, but by teaching others skills they can use to bless their friends and families, skills to help people get back on their feet and move forward in life. I want to use my passion for people to fuel my passion food, not the other way around.
So, I look forward to learning how to filet a fish, make choux pastry properly and put together a divine product. I look forward to it because, for me, it's not about the food itself, but rather about the people who enjoy it and are with me to see it through.
Hope this sentimental and rather sappy blog post makes you smile! And think, as you read this today, tomorrow, or months down the road...what skills and passions do YOU have that you use to bless others? And are you, indeed, blessing others with them? So go out there and make someone's day today! Lot's of Love to one and all!
Friday 5 July 2013
Mind the Gap
When I was still living in England, I had to take the train to get anywhere out of town. Although skeptical of public transport at first, I soon grew to love the train system. The one thing that I noticed right away was that as the train pulled into the station, the loud speakers would crackle to life. "We are approaching __________ Station. Please mind the gap between the train and the platform edge" would echo throughout the station and train itself. Sure enough, as the doors opened up onto the platform, you'd look down to see a six inch gap between the train and the tracks below. Making sure to take a hefty step from door to platform, I'd follow the traffic of people flowing out and go about my business.
Now, one week ago, I was in church for the first time in awhile. Though I love my new job, it does take up much of my week, including early Sunday afternoons. This Sunday was no exception, and I was only able to stay for the beginning of church. As the sermon started, I realized that the topic for the past couple week had been "The Life You Live". My pastor began his sermon, and as he spoke, I realized how much what he was saying resonated with me. One thing that really struck a chord was when he asked the congregation, "Are you living the life you want to live?" He followed that thought by asking, "Is there a gap between where you want to be in life and where you are?" These questions have led me here, to this blog post.
I've been mulling those questions over in my head now for a week. Granted, I've really been putting off thinking about them since coming back to Canada. But the image of a gap is what really hit me this time around. Let me put it this way:
If I look at where I'm at as being a train platform, and where I want to go as being getting on the train, then I would say I'm still sitting on the platform, trying to wave down the passing trains. Sometimes I feel like the gap between me and the train I want is immeasurable, a distance almost greater than the journey itself. Other times, it seems like things are going my way and the trains are lined up to take me to my next destination.
It's a funny thing, waiting for wherever you're going next in life. It's also hard to not be so forward-focused that you miss out where you are now. It's difficult when I know where I WANT to go, but going back and asking God where do I NEED to go. As much as I love to think I know best, I don't. So I keep trying to make the most of my time here, wherever "here" may be, still looking towards my future destination, bridging the gap between where I am and where I know I'm destined to go.
Now, one week ago, I was in church for the first time in awhile. Though I love my new job, it does take up much of my week, including early Sunday afternoons. This Sunday was no exception, and I was only able to stay for the beginning of church. As the sermon started, I realized that the topic for the past couple week had been "The Life You Live". My pastor began his sermon, and as he spoke, I realized how much what he was saying resonated with me. One thing that really struck a chord was when he asked the congregation, "Are you living the life you want to live?" He followed that thought by asking, "Is there a gap between where you want to be in life and where you are?" These questions have led me here, to this blog post.
I've been mulling those questions over in my head now for a week. Granted, I've really been putting off thinking about them since coming back to Canada. But the image of a gap is what really hit me this time around. Let me put it this way:
If I look at where I'm at as being a train platform, and where I want to go as being getting on the train, then I would say I'm still sitting on the platform, trying to wave down the passing trains. Sometimes I feel like the gap between me and the train I want is immeasurable, a distance almost greater than the journey itself. Other times, it seems like things are going my way and the trains are lined up to take me to my next destination.
It's a funny thing, waiting for wherever you're going next in life. It's also hard to not be so forward-focused that you miss out where you are now. It's difficult when I know where I WANT to go, but going back and asking God where do I NEED to go. As much as I love to think I know best, I don't. So I keep trying to make the most of my time here, wherever "here" may be, still looking towards my future destination, bridging the gap between where I am and where I know I'm destined to go.
Friday 21 June 2013
People...
This week I (finally) began my new job, working in the kitchen of a new restaurant here in town. Being a new restaurant, the training schedule has been very busy and there's always two to three times more people training than will actually be working a regular shift. Despite all this newness, I am LOVING my new job! Sure, I may be one of a handful of girls working in the back, and I do believe the red dot on my thumb is a burn mark, but it's been incredible thus far.
Part of this excitement over the job I think is also due to having been bored out of my mind since coming home. Given the lack of transportation, my own apathy, and bipolar weather, my laptop has proven its true friendship these past couple of months. Needless to say then, that working with other human beings has been a major high. However, one thing has been bothering me since I started working. One thing which hadn't even dawned on me until this week; I don't know how to have fun.
Let me elaborate a little bit:
Before I left for England, not only was I in a different town, but I was in a completely different age bracket. I was still a teenager, and a good law-abiding one at that. So, now I'm back in Canada, now a legal adult and am no longer affiliated with anything involving school, youth group, or anything else "young". This being said, I honestly haven't the slightest idea how to hang out with people my own age.
The only young adults I've hung out since I reached that age bracket have all been Christians, good, law-abiding Christians who truly do love God. I haven't been with young adults who aren't Christians (and sometimes aren't law-abiding) since I joined the ranks. To give you some more context, even just listening to the conversations at work can be difficult. Now, I can already say that I really, truly love my co-workers, which is awesome, but some of the things I hear being said and discussed makes me feel on the outs. Green Brownies, leisurely hook-ups, drinking till blackout occurs are seemingly the main source of humor within the crew. Back in my McDonalds days, yes, I would've found these stories hilarious and probably would've even encouraged them. But how do I respond now?
I see the way I am now and where I've come from, and I can truthfully say I pray that I never go back to that. I'm not proud of the things I found funny and the things that I said to be funny. I want to have integrity in every area of my life. So how can I be relevant, hilarious, honest, upright and moral, and still be able to go out the pub with my new-found friends? The answer to this is probably simple, and probably ends in "Just Be Yourself", but sometimes it doesn't feel as simple as stated. Sometimes life, relationships, all these things can feel like a juggling act, all a careful balance between chaos and control, order and a world of pain. I don't understand it myself, and I often find myself wondering why, if I'm such a people person, is it so hard for me to figure them out?
On a plus side, I have recently acquired a phone, so friends, I'm not as far gone as I thought I was. Progress...
Part of this excitement over the job I think is also due to having been bored out of my mind since coming home. Given the lack of transportation, my own apathy, and bipolar weather, my laptop has proven its true friendship these past couple of months. Needless to say then, that working with other human beings has been a major high. However, one thing has been bothering me since I started working. One thing which hadn't even dawned on me until this week; I don't know how to have fun.
Let me elaborate a little bit:
Before I left for England, not only was I in a different town, but I was in a completely different age bracket. I was still a teenager, and a good law-abiding one at that. So, now I'm back in Canada, now a legal adult and am no longer affiliated with anything involving school, youth group, or anything else "young". This being said, I honestly haven't the slightest idea how to hang out with people my own age.
The only young adults I've hung out since I reached that age bracket have all been Christians, good, law-abiding Christians who truly do love God. I haven't been with young adults who aren't Christians (and sometimes aren't law-abiding) since I joined the ranks. To give you some more context, even just listening to the conversations at work can be difficult. Now, I can already say that I really, truly love my co-workers, which is awesome, but some of the things I hear being said and discussed makes me feel on the outs. Green Brownies, leisurely hook-ups, drinking till blackout occurs are seemingly the main source of humor within the crew. Back in my McDonalds days, yes, I would've found these stories hilarious and probably would've even encouraged them. But how do I respond now?
I see the way I am now and where I've come from, and I can truthfully say I pray that I never go back to that. I'm not proud of the things I found funny and the things that I said to be funny. I want to have integrity in every area of my life. So how can I be relevant, hilarious, honest, upright and moral, and still be able to go out the pub with my new-found friends? The answer to this is probably simple, and probably ends in "Just Be Yourself", but sometimes it doesn't feel as simple as stated. Sometimes life, relationships, all these things can feel like a juggling act, all a careful balance between chaos and control, order and a world of pain. I don't understand it myself, and I often find myself wondering why, if I'm such a people person, is it so hard for me to figure them out?
On a plus side, I have recently acquired a phone, so friends, I'm not as far gone as I thought I was. Progress...
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